Let's put 30 mins on the calendar
Meetings, am I right?
In my line of work, Meetings Consultant, my job is to optimize, revitalize, revolutionize, and radicalize how business leaders host and run meetings. From the east coast to the west, the midlands to the keys, if you need a meeting makeover, I’m your guy.
In fact, I’m the only guy. Don’t ask me why.
Although if you did, I’d say it’s cause no-one appreciates meetings like I do.
Meetings are the cornerstone of corporate America.
A work of art.
A cornucopia of agendas, notes, ideas, pontificating, politicking, circle-backing, TBD’ing, follow-upping, taking-offlining, brainstorming, double-clicking, looping-in-ing, KPI-ing,
Pure magic.
Just thinking about a meeting gets me hopped up like a hazy IPA.
Unfortunately, all I see these days is people calling for fewer meetings. Like the meeting is some kind of intrusion on the workday, suggesting that they’re a time-suck, a distraction from work.
But the meeting is the work.
Meetings do take up time. But that means less time for other work. And less time means you’re busy. And when you’re busy, you’re important.
At least that’s what it looks like to everyone else.
And that’s the point. The secret to a successful corporate career isn’t doing work, it’s appearing as if you are.
Don’t let these biohacking, neo-organic, post-new-age business hippies fool you into thinking that efficiency and productivity are the end-games here.
Success isn’t about putting the plates away, it’s about keeping them spinning.
I’ve always said that.
You know what else I’ve always said? A lot of things. In meetings.
And that’s why I’m the leading authority on how to plan, host, and manage meetings. So you’ve come to the right person.
Here are my patented tips for better meetings.
Forget ‘back-to-backs’. Try back-to-fronts… Meetings from dawn till dusk, and then back to dawn again. Now you’re greasing the wheels of commerce.
When discussing broad, high-level matters refer to them by saying you’re taking a “30,000ft view” of the task at hand. It reinforces how high you actually are.
When it’s time to come back down from the 30,000ft view and get into the weeds, say something like, “Let’s ‘double click’ on that.” Because this shows you’re proficient with computers and technologies. Also say, “let’s get into the weeds.”
If the meeting looks like it will run over and you have to leave (to get to another meeting, I assume) you should say you have a “hard stop”. Otherwise, people will assume you have a soft stop and that sounds like it could lead to an HR issue.
If you’re confused at any given point, ask an unanswerable question to distract everyone. Then, once it’s reverberated around the conference room a few times, mention that you should “take it offline.” If you’re not actually online, say you’ll “table it for later.” Use your own discretion.
When someone is stealing all the limelight and you’re feeling jealous, try poking holes in their idea by bringing up extraneous problems and issues that have no realistic solution. If the discussion then moves into the realm of solutions, bring up another problem. Rinse and repeat. (I came up with this move after reading the Facebook comments on FoxNews stories).
Meeting stalled on a particular subject? Say you’ll, “circle back to it.” This signals you care about it even though the problem is either too difficult to solve right now, isn’t worth solving, or you’re too lazy to. It’s often all three. And no-one ever circles back so everybody wins.
When the discussion moves to goals and objectives, ask people to define the difference between the two. Few people can.
While you may think weekly meetings are best for keeping abreast of team progress, you’re wrong. Twice per week is better, but if you’re really good, you can schedule bi-daily meetings. Nothing says you’re on top of your team like scheduling two one-hour catch-up every day.
At the next company all-hands meeting, bring some levity to the occasion and show everyone you’re a fun guy (or gal) by quipping, “No feet, eh?” while you nudge the person next to you with your elbow and wink. Haha, good one. Then tell that person how many meetings you have that day so they know you’re funny AND important.
How about we circle back on these tips at our next meeting? I’ll put 30 minutes on the calendar.
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*chef’s kiss*
Allan
Allan